Cruisin’ with Opa
3:10. On the dot. There he was in his frosted green mini van. Front of the pickup line. The master of middle school carpool. He made up for his “reckless driving” with his natural knack for time management. As my sister and I made our way to the green machine, we’d catch a glimpse of his face through the windshield. Usually grumpy. But as soon as our fingers neared that green car door, he’d pull a 180. His face lighting up, smiling from ear to ear, eager to ask about our days.
There were always snacks. Tiny bottles of apple juice and far too many boxes of Triscuits. Bland, but satisfactory. My sister and I sat in the back seat. And boy were we focused. See, drinking apple juice in Opa’s van is no small task. Wild, speedy Opa turns are no friend to well….any beverage.
I liked the way he drove. Think it kinda inspired my driving? Don’t tell my mom that. Anyways…those turbulent car rides will forever be one of my favorite childhood memories. Thanks for making middle school pickup feel like a wild roller coaster, Opa.
Born on the Cusp
I was born on the cusp of Leo and Virgo. For those of you who don’t design your lives around the stars and planets hurtling through the dark a million miles away, that means that I basically have two personalities. And guess what? They are completely opposite personalities. My Leo side views life as a Selin-themed amusement park that’s open 24/7. That side says “Yeah, I wanna go do things without thinking and see what happens! Consequences don’t matter! Logic is stupid. Let’s party!” Of course, my Virgo side is carefully calculating everything that could possibly go wrong. She considers every possibility for chaos and catastrophe until it’s too late to even go to the party. She follows a strict set of rules. Sounds like a million laughs, right? She is the queen of particularity...every potential consequence, considered and catalogued. They do that at NASA, you know. For lunar landings. Doesn’t work so well for planning a Friday night. You’re wondering what the rules are, aren’t you? Great! Let’s review!
Let’s explore a day in my Leo-Virgo hybrid life. Buckle up, it just got interesting. The Leo-Virgo predicament begins the second I wake up. I awake to the chime of one of a dozen specifically calculated alarms on my phone. You see, Virgo makes sure that there are exactly seven alarms set each morning, with 15 minute gaps. Now remember, the Leo inside me is the queen of FOMO and must go out at night. And I mean, go out! And stay out. She returns home at sunrise. Virgo’s not happy but she knows she’s got her army of alarms set. As the dreaded sound of the alarms ricochets off the bedroom walls, she rushes to push snooze. Wake up? Stay down? Wake up? Stay down? Which will it be? It’s morning, Virgo’s in charge. She forces Leo up and gets moving.
She walks downstairs, Virgo gets another rude awakening. Dad’s is in the kitchen. My Dad spends his entire life in the kitchen. All day, everyday he’s in the kitchen. Always. He must eat about seven meals a day but he’s thinner than I am. Infuriating. Makes no sense. Anyway, this creates a problem for Virgo, because during her meal preparation, there cannot, under any circumstances, be anyone else in the surrounding area. This also raises a problem for Leo. Dad’s very talkative in the mornings. Leo is not. My dad resembles a jolly college campus tour guide. At 7am! While my Leo is surly and Satanic. As soon as my dad greats her, she decides we’ll just ignore him. After Virgo preps her meal, Leo is fully awake and ready to seize the day. Per usual.
Mid-day Leo-Virgo hybrid decides that she wants to go on a drive with my sister. Leo is in charge of all car-related activities. Virgo stays home. Yes. It is scary. My sister is the most anal-driver on the planet. She hates driving with Leo. It is her worst nightmare. Leo is severely directionally challenged. When she first got her license, she had to use a GPS to find her high school. Till mid- terms!!! Her school is 10 minutes away from the house, on a road she’s traveled nearly every day. My sister is the poster-child for safe driving. She despises speedy, lost Leo. As Leo speeds through the streets, making wrong turn after wrong turn, my sister fills with rage. As Leo catches a glimpse of her fabulous reflection in the mirror, she begins to swerve and is forced to surrender the keys. My sister refuses to speak to Leo for the entirety of their drive home.
As the end of the day approaches, Virgo decides she must make up for Leo’s reckless mistakes. So she cooks her family an elaborate meal. When Virgo cooks, she aims for ultimate perfection. Every part of her meal is well-thought out. After her five star meal is complete, she sets the table and the family takes their seats. Immediately, Virgo remembers to turn on the radio, she blasts smooth jazz on its max. volume to mask the sounds of her family’s loud chewing. Chewing makes her want to curl up in a ball and jump out of the window at the same time. As the end of the meal approaches, Leo begins to plot her master plan. Neither she nor Virgo could be bothered with cleaning dishes.
As the end of the meal approaches, Leo disappears to the bathroom. She hides there until she can no longer hear the dishes clanking in the kitchen. She exits the bathroom with a smug smile on her face, as she realizes that her plan is almost a success. Her mother, however, has unfortunately caught onto Leo’s master plan, being that she performs it each week. Leo realizes that she must proceed to clean the dishes, piled messily in the sink, she gags in disgust as Virgo whispers “I told you so”.
While living in a hybrid has its flaws, as you can see the hybrid-life is far more interesting than being born under a single sign. You single-signers have my condolences.
